Pictured: UC Berkeley, just one of the many awesome schools that Thinque Prep students have gone to!
As the UC application deadline approaches, the team and I here at Thinque Prep are getting a lot of excellent questions about how to write PIQs! Luckily, our resident PIQ expert has written some awesome blog posts on the matter, which I will link to here, here, and here. Definitely check out those awesome PIQ tips!
Today, however, I would like to focus on another PIQ-related question that my team and I get a lot: what should I not do when writing PIQs? What are the biggest mistakes that people make when writing PIQs?
Luckily, we've got you covered. By the time you're done reading this, you'll know which common PIQ traps to avoid, starting with
#1 Do not write in the wrong style
Let's compare two passages.
Passage A
Every day, the harsh sun blazed down on my sweat-drenched skin as I ran down the track, the black pavement baking my shoes as my feet made contact with the ground. The finish line was only 20 feet away. Now 15. Now 10. Lactic acid burned my chest as I wondered if I would ever reach that finish line.
Passage B
As captain of the track team, I took charge of practices, planning and then leading drills and warm-ups. I motivated my teammates through words of encouragement, especially during those difficult early morning jogs. Collaborating with my coach, I brainstormed several team building exercises, during which…
Here's a question: which passage is better?
A common answer might be Passage A: it's full of rich, flowery detail and dramatic language. It reads like something you might encounter in a novel, like a creative writing assignment that your English teacher would give an A+ on.
Passage A is written in a narrative style: this is the completely wrong approach to take when writing a UC PIQ.
Think about it: you only have 350 words, so that's not a lot of space. The UC readers are mainly concerned about two things: what you did and how you did it. Any flowery, descriptive language gets in the way of you illustrating that.
So, stick with factual, bare bones language. Notice how the sentences in passage B begin with nouns and verbs? I took charge…I motivated…I brainstormed...
Nouns and verbs are your friend, they work for everything. For instance, do you want to show the UC readers that you are a hard-working person? Focus on nouns and verbs: "I practiced the violin piece for hours. I recorded any mistakes that I made as I drilled myself on the concerto's most challenging moments."
So, save the descriptive language for a longer essay, like the 650 word Common App essay.
#2 Do not be one-dimensional
Everyone has a passion, something that they are deeply interested in. Maybe your passion is football. Maybe you're really good at playing a musical instrument. Or maybe you're the best at baking.
For the UC application, you have to write 4 PIQ essays. I definitely encourage you to write about your passion for one of them: it would be silly not to.
However, you don't want to write about your passion for all four of your essays.
Well, let me rephrase that: you technically could write about the same topic for all four of your essays, but it's very difficult to do effectively. In fact, I have only ever seen one student ever be able to pull it off. If you try to write about the same topic for all four of your essays, I would say it's a 1/10 shot that it will work out.
Oftentimes, people write about the same topic for all four essays because they truly can't think about anything else to write. For that problem, may I introduce this handy-brainstorming tool for you to use.
As you fill the boxes out, you'll notice that more ideas come to mind. If I had to guess, I am confident that any one of those ideas that you've written out will able to form the foundation of an awesome, inspiring essay!
#3 Do not overuse ChatGPT
Here is an excerpt of a college application essay that was created by an English teacher who typed a few short commands into ChatGPT. In this excerpt, the "author" is talking about their volunteer experience at a shelter (which is something that one would typically write about in response to a college essay prompt, particular PIQ #7):
In addition to cleaning, I also had the opportunity to interact with the animals. I was amazed at the transformation I saw in some of the pets who had been neglected or abused. With patience and care, they blossomed into playful and affectionate companions who were eager to give and receive love. I was also able to witness firsthand the process of selecting the right pet for the right family. Although it was bittersweet to see some animals leave the shelter, I knew that they were going to a loving home, and that was the best thing for them.
This…isn't all that great. Don't get me wrong, the prose itself is ok, but what did the student do that aided in "the transformation…in some of the pets"? How did the student help them blossom "into playful and affectionate companions"?
The essay talks a lot about the pets (vaguely, we don't know what type of animals the student volunteered with), but the essay says little to nothing about the student's achievements.
In mere seconds, ChatGPT can write an awesome paper about the history of the pyramids. It can do an expert analysis on any Shakespeare play. It can even churn out AP World FRQs. Why? Because ChatGPT is "fed" by information that's on the internet.
You know what isn't on the internet?
Your stories and memories, the things that make you uniquely you, the one thing that colleges want to know.
If you try to get ChatGPT to churn out your stories and memories in essay form, you'll get a college essay that is very general, something basic that could apply to any student in the world.
You'll notice, however, that I never said to not use ChatGPT. I just said not to overuse it. I think it's awesome that students can use it to proofread, edit for flow, and even bounce ideas off of.
For the foreseeable future, however, the simple fact remains: writing will remain a part of the college essay process. Essays that have genuine heart, creativity, and thought behind them will always stick out above and beyond essays that were quickly run through an AI generator, guaranteed.
So get writing! You have an awesome story inside of you, waiting to be told.
For more essay help, check out our awesome PIQ series by Nina, one of our college essay coaches. For a more individualized approach, don't hesitate to schedule a free consultation with one of our college counselors and essay coaches today!
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